K L P D

we both looking at each other as if we knew what would be our next step but were reluctant to take it. Time didn't ceased to flow as said by famous romantic writers but it indeed seemed to move faster makin things more difficult for me (pata nahi ladkion ko itna patience kahan se ata hai)
damn.. why can't she make the move ,I thought

"what" she asked.she knew what I was thinking still ...
"umm ... nothing ...... nothing "
she laughed

"you know vivek you are a looser"
"why"
"as if you don't know " her flirting smile said everything. Still I preferred to be on the safe side (know what you can never be sure in matters of girls... mark it )
"no.... really what ???"I behaved like I had no idea

"r..e..a..l...l.. y.. " with every syllable she was inching closer, I didn't still unsure(yes I am a looser) my heart was bouncing ......

Finally her soft fluppy pink lips touched mine ... Gosh what a feeling it was ..
was she really doing it, I thought..yes she was ...my lady Emran Hashmi..making every moves
(FIITJEE ko kissing ke crash course bhi karana chahiye tha )
Well finally I put my so many Hollywood flick experience in to play ...it was fun ..she too was enjoying it ...
I was going deeper in to it (by deeper i mean both ;) )searching every explorable depths
none of us were ready to give up ..

SPLASH ..... SPLASH ....

"fuck" ....."what the hell is this"
"gajju uth ja ..... 5 baj rahe hain " it was mehta
it took me a moment to understand where i was

"@#$#@% aaise uthaya jata hai kya.. " "2 min ruk jata kya maal sapna dekh raha tha "
"bete tu 11 baje hi so gaya tha 10 min ki rest ka naam leke "

"to tu saale uss time 10 min baad hi utha deta ... kam se kam ye KLPD to nahi hoti "
(i think all my readers out there must be knowing about KLPD ... if not then google it )
"kya sahi bandi thi yaar ...abhi tere jhatke ke baad uska chehra bhi yaad nahi aa raha .... kissing ki real feel aa gayi thi "

"saaale padh le nahi to TIKKI teri paper main faad dega aur awaz bhi nahi hogi "
"chal poothe mat pee .... notes de and piss off "

"main book se padha ...PD se le le wo abhi phone sex kar raha hoga aapni fanti ke sath "
"waise kaun thi saapne main ??"
"teri girlfriend ...... so jaa saale "


" ek baat bataon tu aaj amar ke saath soya tha............ "

VIVA .... sucks

"hey don't you think ki tere ko wo novel chod ke toda padh lena chahiye ?"
my ever concerned roomie said ......I was reading 'new moon'
"what we have our D.Tech paper on 4th right ..and it is against my rule to even think about the subject before two days of exam " my eyes were still glued ...know why ... romance scene chal raha tha na ....

"I am talking about the vivas ...kal 8 baje hai ...yaad aya .... done with practical files ???? ... fati ??"
" you know na I'll even turn down a girl when I am in to any novel (though I don't have any).. so now DND "

"but files ...10 experiments ... likhain hain poore ...... agar likh bhi liye ho to check hain ??"......... "boolege bhi ??"
" teri @#$#% ...fine ...8 likhe hai ...6 checked hain "... " ek first year ko bulaya hai ...likh dega wo aur I'll check it ... DK ka sign itna tough nahi hai ....and guess what 20 main se 18 mil jayega .... done....now go and suck someone else's "
See there is one best part of being senior ..juniors are always there to fish you out of any situation ....you just need to make one call... ask them to come over for INTERACTION ...and make them copy your assignments,files and all...

" are maal "(ism way of praising ......gals whenever you hear this ,don't think of us being loofars,its a compliment honey )" oye nakul apan bhi yahi karte hain ..."
In no time wing was full with juniors doing INTERACTION

I was of course very busy ..... I wasn't even online (I hate that ting..ting sound of gtalk ....hate it even more when opposite chat is a male ...know what reply I give to 'em ,obvious one .... fuck you......

"sir ho gaya "
"sahi,chalo ab kat lo aur kabhi treat le lena "
"bi sir good night "
"hmm gd nt "

when I was at the climax of novel (well I have a habit of reading 250 pager in one stretch )
Rahul - " oye saale kuch to padh le semester viva hai "

" teri #$%$# ..baar baar ungli karna teri hobby hai kya ..aapna padh @#$%$"
This is how a well wisher is taken care of ......

Well I did finished that novel but went to sleep thinking I'll study in morning but as you all know 'the morning' never comes .... so I went unprepared (nothing new)

At the viva ....
1.I finally remembered the name of experiment and respective apparatus required to figure out what i have to do ..... in the end I manipulated the readings ....I wasn't caught for forging sign ...
2. Pawan got caught and he was awarded zero ...
3. seeing this himanshu tore off his index list and when asked ,told sir "sir wo pata nahi but mere ko sirf 12 , 13 number the 15 se jayeda to kisi main nahi tha " and rahul "sir mere ko jaundice ho gaya hai so main nahi check karwa paya ...weakness thi issliye class bhi nahi attend kia "(actually i had jaundice)

Xams & Enzo's law

"...na bans ki bansi na sone ka sariya ......"

uhh..mhh..hmm our special alarm tone for exam time . No need to explain why ..I am quite sure my sweet readers must have heard this song !!!

It was 6 am ..yes you read it right 6am and our usual exam timing is 2 to 4 pm ,so we wake up early as we have to a lot of eleventh hour preparation {frankly speaking all of it,be it tut solving, mugging ,making farres(cheats) }

"oye rahul uth jaa"
"fanti (at ism we address girlfriend as fanti) ko bola hoon yaar...wo call karegi tabhi uthoonga ..she is my lucky charm "
"sahi .. uski todi charm mujhe bhi de dena,i mean jab call kare to utha dena , i am going back to sleep "

earlier ..last night ..(my excuses )

7 pm :
raat baanki baat baanki ,a few hours of orkuting won't do much harm ....

9 pm:
you know yaar i can push my limits to anything ...poori raat jagoonga ,syllabus ki maa bahen ka donga ..but its dinner time now ..

11 pm:
lets be serious now ,we (better say I ) haven't done anything ....
the other guy of 'we' part -tension na le ho jayega ..21 number hi to lana hai ...aa jayenge...don't you agree ??
me-totally

1 am:
Rahul-chal yaar canteen chal ke coffee pite hain waise bhi bahut padh liya
me- fuck off ..... waise agar tu pila raha hai hai to chal ...
2am:

Rahul - don't you think tera saturation point aa gaya hai .... chal sote hai ,6 baje uth ke padh lenge ..alam daal de
me -already done sweety ..gd nt ...

now let me tell you what saturation point is all about -called ENZO's saturation theory

As the exam point comes closer and closer ,the efficiency of grasping (better say mugging) increases proportionately BUT there come one saturation point after which it decreases that too in proportional way ...

In order to raise the saturation point level , a catalyst is needed ... following are the catalyst in increasing order :

1. Orkuting/facebooking
2.Sutta
3.A quick chat with fanti
4. Watch a PORN(most efficient;) )

back to morning (from where I had left):
Rahul was bluffing,murmurring ,blah..blah .. on cell .... Basically he was FANTIYING (talking with his fanti) when i woke up
"I was supposed to be awaken ,right you motherf "
"so you are & by the way i ma undergoing catalysis mr Enzo ......and yes your law works "...

TIKKI & B**BS

"Roll no 523"
"523 vivek kumar , kaun hai ye pichle do class se absent hai ?"
"ouchh (someone pinched my butt) ... sone de #$%$# "
" #$#@#% attendance bol .. 523 call kar raha hai tikki "

"yes sir ... yes sir " tikki raised his eyebrow
"sir 523 "

"kya kar rahe the ? " he asked even though he knew what i was doing
"so raha tha " murmured kishlay. Class burst out laughing . See for would be engineers all rules are meant to be broken cept unspoken rules and rule which implies here is -

when a guy is being screwed leave no stone unturned so that he gets screwed the hardest....

" sir tut solve kar raha tha "

"umm aacha copy laake dikkhna jara " tikki was smiling (god save me )

I looked around and the whole class was enjoying the moment [ which they rarely get in TIKKI's MOS(mechanics of solids ) class ] and yes of course had i been at their place I would have done the same
Huh now it my turn to save my ass from an asshole (sorry to say this but he is ..)

I looked down on the desk , no copy no pen either ...
Well tell you what i had committed a mistake of level 1 , I was sleeping in tikki's class without any open copy with at least one page on relevant topic being written (it was like having having sex with a prosti without condom) I had to pay

" ye le copy aur jaa" rahul my roomie came to my rescue
"poora likha hai na "
" copy idhar la aur jaan apni #$#%# bhalai ka jamana hi nahi raha "

"fuck you "

" you will definitely thank me for this sweety "

I confidently walked to Tikki thinking 'ukhad le jo ukhadna hai ...', handed over the copy
'fuck .. mar gaya ' I almost spoke these words when i saw the copy cover
why ?
A BARNEY STINSON 's(from HIMYM) quote " an average male brain can store finite number boob images" written on the cover that too in bold red
what up .... I wrote it (quite obvious )

"ye kya likha hua hai ?.. aur boob matlab kya hota hai ?" thank god profs are not eng movie freaks
" Boob ..boob ... boob .." class started echoing some even making hand expression to convey the meaning
" chup raho yaar , sir ye matiyao aur notes dekho " I quickly started to turn over the pages
I turned on and on but nothing relevant to MOS appeared
"kahan hai tum aapne ghar waalon ke aankhon main dhul jhonk sakte ho mere nahi mere nahi ... roll no batao "
" sir wo sayed mix ho gayi dossre copy se (i have only one copy )"

" tumhe aaj attendance nahi milega (shit..) aur roll ke aage ek star bhi (Nooooo...) 3 star ke baad bhagwan bhi bacha sakta chalo class se bahr jao "

I turned back raised my middle finger towards the class and was out

Every dog has one off day .. :)

GUTS AND GLORY.......

" oye , vivek chal uth ja , we don't have next period , tikki (Prof . Kailash Jha) is out of town ,

uth jaa @##$$% "

" umm.....m "

I finally woke from my 45 minutes slumber . I was sleeping like dead even the prof. caught me but he did let me do what I was doing (the best) . WHY ???

REASONs :

1. He is also a B.TECH graduate.

2. He is not a bengoli prof.

3. he is young.

"last class kiski hai ?"

"Abha rani maam ki"

"sahi matlab aaj ek hi class (that too was fully utilized in sleeping). I am going to hostel "

You might be wondering i had one last class then why I said so ...

well let me introduce to you prof. Abha Rani,she teaches us complex number and La Place.... transformation or equation or whatever (see how effective she is i don't even remember the name of subject .. :) ). She is audible to 1st benchers only and there is no need to use microphone as number of students (muggers) attending her class is sufficient enough to occupy the first bench itself.

"oye Gajju(my one of the several nick names, shortened from Ghajini) class nahi hai kya ? canteen chal raha hai ??" Murli(krishna mohan) shouted at me while i was taking out my cycle ...still half asleep. Murli, a loyal vodka fan (like me).Unlike others he has portrait of gods in his room(rather than bikini clad models or cars).I won't revel much about him as he is son of a high court judge and....... and..... i love myself .

"paise hain ???? " the biggest question was popped by me ...

" nahi tabhi to poocha .. hiiihihii "

"@#$@# bbi main hostel jaa raha hoon.."

BACK TO HOSTEL...... room no 236 ...

guess what , it was already open and it wasn't my roomie who opened it ... it was Amar

and no guessing ... he was romancing with FIFA'09

" ek game ho jaye ??"

"nahi mera pilne ka koi saukh nahi hai aur wiase bhi we both play with game pad "

"chal main aaj keyboard se khelta hoon.."

"sure" I threw my bag and was ready. (you must be thinking why i agreed so easily ... coz one rarely get chance to beat a master .. its rare like .. having sex with a model... )

After end of 'the game'......

" wing waloon saaloon suno maine Amar ko 3-0 se pel diya ...."

"are Ghajini bhokal " nobody cared how i did this ..."but ye matiyao aur class chal Abha maam test le rahi hain , Manish ka call aya tha " you must sure who said this , it was RAVI

"you know what ... you are an ASSHOLE"

"I know ... aur sun B S Grewal bhi le lena .. ussi se chapna hai .."

Well Abha maa'm has of late developed this method for dragging students ass to the benches

"oye meri likh ke submit kar dena" said Amar ( no begged )

"meri bhi.... nahi to rahul ko bol dena wo kar dega" Nakul from adjacent room

"tu meri naam ki bas ek blank copy submit kar dena .. attendance mil jayegi .." pawan malav

and blah blah blah....

I got atleast 5 request before i run out of the wing ....

FIFA FEVER ......

" oye @#$#& le ja le ja..... goal maar .. maar @#$#@

damn fuck .... ROONIE ki maa ka @#$#@"

welcome to the world of FIFA@ wing 6 where no one is spared be it Beckham or Ronaldo

Let me introduce to you the speaker of above line .... AMAR "JACKSON",once Bansal Classes physics topper now can be easily found loitering in the wing with a game pad which of course

is not his. His favorite past time ... sleeping . Of late joined dance class but hasn't attended one coz he is the single guy with 8 gals around

kash main todi bahut dance kar pata ....

My roomie,another maniac but he is more like provider of platform (FIFA '09) ,his lappy with fodu configuration (512 dedicated N-vedia ) , 2500 watts blaster and a nice gamepad (which he picked from one final yr's room during steeling ceremony)

Back to match ....

Amar with Man-U and Anindo with Arsenal .. scores tied 2-2 ... each vying for a win

bechare keyboard and gamepad,they were figuratively being raped ....

don't worry ... no one will come to rescue ... match matters

Moreover the music and environment resulting due to mixing up of most filthiest abuses and commentary was AWSOME ....

Xcactly then ...

entered Ravi (wing topper) ..(no no not for handwash ) and announced ....

" saloon assignment kia "

"kisne dia tha aur kab submit karna hai ?"

"Mishra ne dia tha aur .. aur ... aagle period main submit karna hai "

panic button pressed ...

"o.. fuck .. 20 minutes bache hain... game matiya "

" waise how many pages to copy "asked Anindo while his eyes were still glued to 17'' screen

"lagta hai aaj bhi nahi naha(bath) paoonga " my roomie had something else to worry about

Crowd suddenly disappeared (for borrowing pen and A4 sheets )

Time to write (or say XEROX ) our assignment .... who the hell cares what we are writing ...

a morning in d life of enzo.....

"lonely..... i m so lonely.... "

shit its 7 : 40 already and my cell was blaring at full volume again....

" @#$#@ i know you are lonely now just switch off that fucking alarm and let me sleep for 5 more minutes ". this was Rahul my roomie(roommate)

"Its Kailash jha's period .... if late forget attendance chal uth jaa @#$% "

"fuck off"

" BANG !!!" the door cracks open ............

It wasn't locked from inside , how could it be there is no door lock (it was broken by Nitesh Goyal when he needed water at 5 am , since then it is always open)

ENTERS RAVI

"toothpaste ya handwash main se kuch ek de do yaar "

"handwash wahan padi hai , toothpaste wing main kiske pass hai , mujhe bhi chahiye "

its 7:45 and i am still on bed . Time to act

15 minutes to go for attendance

Finally toothpaste surfaces from somewhere in the wing . God bless the owner. Wing 6 rocks ....

It took me 5 minutes to perform my essential morning activities.

I somehow manage to find facewash (its essential when you......... you.......... you don't take bath before going to class .... :) )

10 minutes to go ..............

back to room

"@#$#@ abhi tak so raha hai ..... 10 min bach rahe hain"

" abe proxy maar hi dena ab, main kal teri maar donga ....."

" aur ye kal kab aayega ????"

"kal sure"

"lagegi to laga doonga "

"love you ... muaahhhh (it was a flying kiss)"

It took me a matter of seconds to change in to jeans from lowers (one down another up,that's it).

No need to change T-shirt , it'll go for another 2 days.

deo hai na .... my own DENIVER

You see there is one big benefit of being in no female branch (my branch is called bin maa ki aaulad as female candidates are not allowed ),you don't have to prepare yourself before mirror ..

5 minutes to go..

i am ready to go,and yes while packing my bag i don't forget to slide in few magazines, a survival strategy at ISM's prof's classes.

Here i come... KAILASH JHA ... for the attendance