You Are Special

Prologue:  

My so called perspective starts and ends at ‘MY’ college life so please don’t generalize it.

 

 

With the crap called love is in the air almost everyone is going gaga. I just fail to understand their infatuation with this thing (every day a V day if you are in love). Seriously what the point of getting a happy kiss day message or getting tagged in erotic picture by a guy or even a girl without her physical presence (yeah it’s a bit of overstatement). And please don’t post pathetic status massages on your FB wall, no one gives a shit bout it. 

Earlier it used to be just a day’s torture now whole freaking week. INDIA SHINING, Indeed (Shiv Shena and Bajrang Dal seriously needs to rethink on their strategies). 

Worst affected are singles (basically one having balls in the lower half of the body ;)).

And guess who is gaining most from this commercialized from of LOVE. Chocolate industry… Achies … CCD nope none.

 It’s our very own son of a bitch Vijay Mallya.

‘Yaar chal daaru peete hain … chocolate day hai ..chakne main chocolate rakhenge.'

‘You know aaj kiss day hai and am still a kiss virgin, aaj to daaru banti hai’ 

‘Saali ne mana kar diya, GAUTAM ko phone laga (gautam is the who supplies booze 24*7 be it 2 am)’  

GOT IT. 

So what basically this blog posting is all about.

NO its not another one showcasing how pathetic are we (we are if ones goes by dictionary definition, we call it being awesome).

Well its more of a BC.

Here are few reasons (remember 'my perspective') why being single is awesome: 

• Your 24*7 is all yours. Waste it, utilize it. Better yourself. No regrets.

• Freedom ….. aahhhhhh … feel it….. explore

• BAKCH**I. Yeah you can better your ‘height of BC’ whenever and wherever you want without giving goddamn explanation and listening to lecture of ethics.

• Your cell will blare less. Know what does that mean, your chances of impotency will decrease significantly.  

• You can carry on your little chit chat with opposite sex for hours and best part can say ciao whenever you want.

• You can sometime start your day with YOU**** ( come on m not talking bout youtube).   

• You won’t have to hear ‘what did I do today’ shit for hours and rewind and play yours.

• MONEY. How can I forget this super benefit. I know I don’t need to explain this.

• You can drink and smoke and quit it whenever you feel like (it is possible). No external pressure

• You can let your eyes wander freely. Appreciate beauty.     

•  You can be a PERVERT jerk not worrying about your personal image. Who cares.  

 Epilogue: 

who cares......   

          

NEVER ASK.... questions which ought to be avoided while talking with an engineer

----- a generalized case------no offense-----pardon for using some rough language-----

1.      Paani  hai kya ??

      You will get a hell lot of answers except the desired ‘ YES’. E.g.

·         A lot ……. 75% of earth’s surface is covered with water.

·         Yeah……. Take left then go straight then just in your right corner ‘ BINGO’,  is the water cooler.

·         Noooh…. Ours is a drought affected room.

·         $%#@@$# …….nahane ke liye bathroom jaate nahi paani kya ghanta laayenge.

·         Yeah I do. It’s a bit hot though. High on ammonia content. Still if you want it ‘mooh khol’.

      Research says –

In 90% of fight between roommates, ‘paani’ is the culprit.

      2.   Girlfriend hai ???

In the common interest of the bhai log ……-NO COMMENTS- …

Just one advice to female readers – never ask this question to a guy until and unless you are interested in that guy. Otherwise that guy will get interested in you and ‘ pata nahi aage kya kya samajh lega.'

      3.  Gum hai kya ?

 Just ask ‘fevicol hai kya ?’. This question is like ‘dukh teerath pe haanth rakh dena ‘.

·         Hai na bahot gum hai – GF nahi hai, GPA nahi hai (the 2 most requisite G’s of an engineer’s life ), paise nahi hain , Treat deni hai, Parsoon carry ka paper hai, Behra ki class hai, mess main khana l*** hai & blah blah.

Wanna endure listening to these shits. Ask then.

4.  Naha Liya be ?

•    Case I : when the interrogator is MALE

·         Yeah

·         Kab?

·         Abhi abhi teri –beep- ke sath bath tub main ….-beep- ..-beep- ….( Hell lot of beeps)

   Never ask when you want to hear some serious shits.

•   Case II : when the interrogator is FEMALE

·         Yeah I always do. You see I don’t feel like doing anything  unless I take bath and blah blah.
 Wanna hear shit again.

      5. Paise hain ?

Well well well we have the potential to make Reliance, TATA and Birlas go bankrupt. How can you expect us to have money.

            6. What do you think is she good looking? should I go for her?

• CASE I : when both questions are asked simultaneously.

·         Case A : when she actually is good looking.

What NOO….. you going for her! Man, come on how can you!  She is just not up to your ask. She might be ‘thik thak’ but you can easily get someone better than her.

BTW what’s her NAME ?

·         Case B:  - you know what I mean- 

Hummm …. She is good … nice b**bs… sexy (99% of guys don’t know d definition of sexy ). I think you must and in case if you don’t just give me her number.

•              CASE II: when it is asked one after another.

·         In Case A- yeaaaahhh …. Whoa kahan se mili?????

-          Should I ask her out

-          What!!!! (like earth's is shaking) teri baat bhi hoti hai uss se ?

-          Yeah once or twice in a week. I think she likes me too.

-          Ghanta likes me too. What do you want ‘fir se baat bhi na ho’. Take it easy dude. And don’t call her frequently, it will show your desperation. Maintain you gravity bro.

BTW what’s her NAME?

·         In Case B : - l*** dekhti hai.- {end of chat, no one will have guts to go to the next question).(no offense) 

      7. What’s your GPA ? 

Just don’t …… never…… please. It hurts.

                               

Guest Posting : “MARS” V/s “VENUS”

BY an author who wished to remain UNNAMED  

And it’s the later whom I am concerned about…..

                                                        ------ Anonymous

Reader’s discretion is advised ( fun intended… ;))

Acknowledgment:

I would really thank you guys, who’d inspired me to create this “masterpiece”. (I’d actually prefer it to be called one… :P)

And the contents below are addressed to the ppl belonging to the former planet….

Prologue:-

“we”, and by that I mean both the sexes, are very well aware of the tiff between “hum” n “tum”….

Also I know that there’d been made zillions of attempts in order to defend yourself, numerous justifications, by u guys, just to prove yourself right, but in vain, I believe…..

And this “masterpiece” is in reference to the blogs, n other numerous postings on the various networking sites, and of course personal observations…..

GUYS ARE INSENSITIVE BRUTES

Though you claim not being one, but in vain. Please do think once before what you spit.

I agree that you guys are bad with temper n no matter how much you don’t wanna hurt the other, still at that moment it’s painful.

We too feel agitated n try n adjust with zillions of other things which one can’t stand, n we too can scream n shout n throw tantrums, but that isn’t the solution, right….

A MYTH of being super smart  is what dwells in your head, which indeed is a myth; admit… that you ppl suck in multi-tasking..

Man is a social animal, but it seems that u ppl had skipped the word ‘social’, considered it literally..

I am sorry, but u guys are GROSS n can cross limits.

(still, I feel the word is not bold enough.. ;) :P)

N I think I better not get started with it, n guess u yourself have figured them out…

Guys are HUNGRY, HORNY n SLEEPY….

N claim it to be ‘the simple logic’ in life.

I’m sorry but this isn’t called being simple, the word is “BLAND”.

You think that u r always right, which is the most wrong belief I can tick out…

Learn to appreciate:-

 

Complements guys………!!!!!!!!!

BRING IT ON….......!!!!!!!!

If you like getting one, start giving them too…

Why do we need to ask you for it all the time…?????

Isn’t the world runs on ‘give n take’ business….!!!

But of course don’t be fake n rather too frank….

Though euphemism is allowed…  :P

CHIVALRY:-

That’s what drives us crazy, after looks(which isn’t the only factor but is the part of the package.. ;))

It’s good to be casual, but sometime chivalry can do wonders n swoop your lady away….

GIFTS:-

I mean who doesn’t like gifts…???

Its not that we’re materialistic or something….

It’s just that we just love being special… n when you try n prove it, it just takes us to cloud 9….. J

N when I say, ‘gifts’, I don’t mean it has to be a ‘solitaire’, (but we won’t even mind that… ;) :P)

A simple rose or even a cornetto can create the magic…. J

No matter how logical you guys consider things, Emotion matters…. :/

We are quite aware of the fact that nobody is perfect, specially men, n we’ve always had adjusted with them..

We do believe in fairy tales, n wait for our prince charming… J

Why would you guys do things which annoy the hell out of us…

N how does it give pleasure, I fail to understand..

STOP shaking that leg…

I mean all of u do that….

Its irritating….  :@

It’s fair when guys do things, but as soon as it comes to us, the rule changes…

I fail to understand, how cannot u guys fail to locate things which is kept right in front of your eyes….!!!!

Be expressive, there wont be any catastrophe if you’d express yourself, even on the days you’re feeling low…

We absolutely understand that its humane, n it would only make you feel better..

Okay, n now the final call…

For a while, lets consider that we do take time to make decisions, but it isn’t coz we wait n check, that if the guy matches to the list or something…

Rather, we don’t consider it’s easy to say “NO”.

When a guy asks out a girl, it is a big thing for her, n at the same time we don’t want to be rude to you. We do respect your feelings n that’s the reason we emphasize on the word “friendship”, coz we really do care about the feelings more than you guys…

Though I don’t want to get in to society n crap, but when we commit, it’s the lifetime we’re talking about, n of course we do believe in destiny.

Proposing a girl isn’t a walk-in interview, you go- talk- n it’s a win-win situation…

Sometimes it takes years n sometime just a few meetings to get things clicked, n you find that someone special…

BUT….

THE UGLY TRUTH is irrespective of our differences, we keep falling for each other, n end up proving the theory right…

Opposites do attract………. ;) :P J

p.s. :-  I know after reading this….

I m prepared for the criticism m about to get…

Still nothing personal was intended, n views may vary n r relative…

Hope u’d fun reading it… J  

- ANONYMOUS 

 by ENZO

PS : I appreciate  .... Guys I don't want a fight 

DELHI BELLY ……. Xperience @ CWG

The Journey

"What’s my berth number? " I asked. My eyes were retiring (you are supposed so when you are high), my lungs painting (we had almost missed the train)

“Middle one” said a voice.

There was a ‘matka ' (M.Tech guys are addressed as matkas) sleeping on the lower berth .

I threw my luggage beneath the seat and went to sleep with my shoes on. Yeah that’s true.

“Hello uuth jao ab, 10 baj rahe hain” I half opened my eyes, it was the matka.

“What …… bhak bah*****d sone de ".

My head was spinning even I wanted to wake up but since it was d ‘matka factor’ involved so ‘FUCK YA’ had to be answer.

Must be wondering why I hate him so much. Nothing personal, its in the DNA of B.Tech to hate an M.Tech. Can’t help it. Umpteen number of reasons for it (will discuss it some other time)

Metro chicks

You know what’s the second best thing about DELHI after DELHI METRO, its ‘chicks’ (Engineering guys always find machines more sexier than even opposite sex …… believe me…. Even when it come to Delhite Chicks who are firm believer of ‘elevations are meant to be shown ’).

And what if both come together. Yeah, thanks to Organizing Committee of CWG. They had handpicked some of the hot one to help us (tourists) at Metro stations (Kahin jaane ki jarrorat hi nahi ). Well frankly speaking we went to Delhi as a sports enthusiast but situation made us do something else (Not our fault.

“Hey can you tell which metro route to pick for Dhayanchand Stadium”

“Where can I get tickets from "

“Where is OC building, you going there, can you accompany us?? "

“Where is this …where’s dat … blah blah "

These all were starting sentence for relatively long chat (everything is relative, mind it) until some son of Bitch (Delhi boy) didn’t interrupt.

There were hell lot of female volunteers, all confused about Delhi map. None of them knew about Thayagraj Stadium. We even had verbal fight with few (overdose syndrome)

Delhi ke dudes

Ah ‘subhan allah ', what should I say about them. They are confused about every thing

• · Choice of clothes (well they call it fashion)

• · What to do with hair and god damn beard.

• · Having or being a ‘dick’

• · Whom to idolize ‘Sri Sri…… ‘ or ‘ 5o cents’

• · Choice of girls {better say girls are confused about their choice of guys …. Pun intended }

• · Best of all, they are confused about their origin whether it’s ‘XX’ or ‘XY’ or is there anything at all.

Some B C

Anyways you see not only us but the volunteers were also very much thankful to the OC (organizing committee). Why won’t they be, it had officially given them permission and location to flirt.

And things are bound to happen when you team up gals and guys. Ladke to hote hi chu***e hain.

So …… so it was our moral responsibility to check it. ( wo kya hai na ki apni jalti hai …… bahot )

So we remind

ed of their original responsibility.

“Hello, excuse me ….. yeah you. Can you guide me, I am having problems in finding this location "

God you should have seen the face of the guy. Our expressional response ‘ukhaad le jo ukhaadna hai ‘.

EYES TALK ... A LOT

Guest Posting 3 : by Vasu Gangrade , ISM D

WAKE ME UP WHEN SEMESTER ENDS ......

Sitting in a train to Kolkata, with “n” number of BENGALIS,(where literally "n" tends to infinite or even higher if its possible ) sorry but there are so many of them; that I cannot count :P

After planning for more than 1 month to write a blog, finally I got some time to do so (thanks to the company around, not even a single "F 18-22" on the chart... I wonder why don't they travel)

"To,

"whom so ever it may concern",

ISM Dhanbad, India

Date: "roz ki baat hain"

Subject: Apologizing for Misbehavior in last class

Respected Sir,

I Vasu Gangrade, 2008JE0546, 5th semester, Mining Engineering, am really sorry for what happened in the last class. I will complete my notes copy and will attend classes regularly. I promise that this mistake won't be repeated in future, please forgive me sir,

Thanking You,

Yours Sincerely,

Vasu Gangrade "

The above letter has become a daily dose for my batch, There's no count of the Professors we have expressed regret to. Also to a MATKI(M Tech gals), stop laughing, “Zindagi”(her name) main kayi baar aise din bhi dekhne padte hain :P

Therefore, I spend most of the classes sleeping (literally) on the last bench; without getting caught, thanks to weird design of 84yrs old Min-2 lecture hall. Rest of the time goes to reading Barron’s GRE, I still doubt of cracking it someday. Though there’s enough time for all of us to clear CAT, GRE & UPSC, thanks to the mind-numbing back to back classes by DADDU n PAPA sen,



You are not allowed to enter the class, even if you’re just 30secs late (believe it or not). I still wonder, Mining hain ya Military… at least there you don’t have to write apology for coming late.

Class ke side effects; Never ever in life sign on a blank paper, that too while sitting with witty guys like ENZO (vivek), porn ma_love (pawan malav), and Tushar Gupta.

Even after attending 34 classes in a week, none of us is going to get 8 GPA, except for some maggu GMAT’s( bole to G**d Main Apar Tension) (asli dude :P)

Its better I go to sleep again, wake me up when Semester Ends :P

DADDU'S DAY OUT

“Hello” I said in a sleepy voice. I was sleeping

“So rahe ho, class nahi hai kya ?? “

“Hai na 2:20 se “ I simultaneously glanced at watch …2:10… ‘O fuck’ I almost said it but instead I said “OK got it tada” (see I can be gentleman sometimes)

You might be wondering its’ still 10 minutes to class na !!!! Well welcome to daddu’s class (earlier known as chacha ). He has given us two options which in his words are-‘either don’t come late to class or don’t come, there is no third options’.

I jumped off my bed, my roomie was already gone (with waking me up… bitch he is ) Don’t know what has happened to him of late, he has been meditating ,following 12-6 am sleeping routine. God never knew V-loss can sometime trigger mental disorder called ‘mokshya ki prapti’!!!. Forget it.

1 minute is what it took to get myself ready. Now tough task: find the the keys both room’s and cycle’s. You know I have a bad habit of keeping things (right from lappy, novels, magazines, newspaper, books, bags, headphone, specs, purse, clothes, coffee mug, pens, KEYS, and god knows what ) on my bed. Not my fault its’ in my genes. I am a Y chromosome holder …. So … so blame god. And BTW you are supposed to keep your better half on the latter half of you bed and for the time being they are my better halves. So I am only being a responsible guy. :P

Anyhow I couldn’t find my cycle key ring and only 5 minutes left for the class so

‘RUN FORREST RUN’

Finally I made it (my ride was already there in the stand … see ‘chutiyon ki kami nahi hai’ ) I joined backbenchers in the 2^nd column, my usual besides Chattu Dash (Mistake 1) took out the novel and got busy (Mistake 2). I forgot to do FIRST THING FIRST (taking out a copy and writing a page of relevant topic ) and so did the rest of my bench mates (Mistake 3)

It was Daddu’s back to back 2 lectures. Everything went on well till only 15 minutes were left, when one last bench guys got caught doing what I don’t know but yes stupid enough for that. When asked to show notes he went blank when asked get out of the class he was constantly blaring ‘sorry’ irritating daddu enough to get him on his nerves.

[Golden rule: never get caught in a stupid act rest you can’t help neither can god at that time]

Well this was the beginning. He asked whole of the last benchers to show him the notes.

‘mare gaye…’I spoke moving my head towards chattu, he was gone. Rather he was down sitting beneath the desk. ’Bitch …. Ostrich‘

“Why are you not coming “daddu was getting furious.

“Coming sir …..saalon koi to copy do” adding to misery my sandal was gone …thrown out of window “B#$@%$#^&@ meri hi g**d mili thi marne ke liye” I slipped in someone else slipper and took chattu’s copy who was still down but not out. I walked down stairs and handed him the copy god knows what was written in it.

“Sir 523 vivek kumar … I have not written “He looked in to me eye to eye, I said nothing, no sorry either.

He put a dot mark in front of my name. He ordered me to get out and for the rest of class –‘all of you show me your copy’(mistake rectification 1). I sighed ‘chalo main akela to nahi hoon’ relief. Surprised!!! , don’t be. Well they are my friends so how can I think of saving their ass while mine has been fucked publically in a hardcore way. In the end as many as 20 got the same fate, of course chattu was there. Rest survived.

Outside the biggest question on everyone face was ‘Ab kya karoge?’. My answer to this was “ab main kya karoonga, usne pakda hai uski tension”. See attitude matters

Still there are some guys ‘jinki g**d main chulla hota hai’, they went to him for apology and return he ordered us to show him up to date notes along with apology letter (which must carry parents phone number )

‘saale ye log maa- baap pe kyun pahoch jaate hain aapas main matter solve nahi kar sakte’

Anyways : ‘jabadasti ka’ mistake retification 2 – I woke up whole night to complete the notes.

Next day before entering his office chamber I rang home to use my first lifeline (mistake rectification 3) “mummy actually ek prob ho gayi …. Agar kisi prof ka call aye to matter sambhal lena”

“kyun abhi kya kar diya !!!!” I am sure might have expected much worse. I quickly explained her.

“bas itna bolna ki aage se galti nahi karega” I hung up

Later inside daddu on seeing my letter said – “land line no do ...not mobile no “

“are sir land line nahi hai. Gahr ka no hai aap baat kar lo “

“kk fine “ he umarked my name with red tick mark and kept the letter in his file.

PS: My first lifeline went waste (he never called not until now) and the worst thing I had to explain everything to mum :(