Survival Strategies

‘♫♪♫ subhah ho agyi mammu mammu re maamu ♫♪♫‘
Snooze ...again after 2 minutes snooze...

You see everyone has tendency to make most of the snooze time (excluding gals) and I am no exception. In fact I go on snoozing until doesn’t kick me on my ass. The only difference between you and me (may be similarity) is you do this in the morning, it was 2 pm for me.

Enters Ravi “ abe gajju saale assignment lika be ?...sun tera roll mere aage hai jo tere se poochega wo bata diyo ”
Shocked I woke up, mouth wide open, mind half asleep thus spoke“MAA KE bachche (:P) pahle nahi utha sake " The would have been half an hour nap went on till the class starting time. I was supposed to copy a 10 page assignment and present it before the prof (in viva). I was screwed up.

5 minutes left for class, I picked my bag and ran for class [at first I thought of bunking the class, but an immediate realization stuck my mind-how the prof made the ‘bunker’ write an application of apology apart from threatening them for suppli. ]
First one to reach slaughter chamber (our classroom), I started copying the assignment as fast as I can [since my serial number is 28 so I decided to write at least few pages rather than presenting a complete sorry face (to get fucked)].

Time for some positives –there were two 2 more MATKAS (its what we call research scholars) taking viva apart from MUMIM jee himself (prof) and since they were a bit (just a bit) liberal [as matter of fact they were students too (short of)]. Anyhow I had to face anyone of them in order to get at least a panjii(5) –pass marks.
Almost same was the case with everyone else. My hand was superfast (who cares of handwriting) copying first few pages and last two pages of course (we call it finishing touch – remember last impression is the best impression )

‘523’
Shit man it was my call and the two matkas were already booked. I decided to ignore the call

‘523, Vivek Kumar ..is he absent ???’
Fuck yaar ...." yes sir yes sir...... sir it’s me ....sheets arrange kar raha hoon "

“kk do it fast ..next one ..525 ..kishlaya “
Kishlay gave me a dirty look before approaching the desk. As soon as one of the matkas got free, I ran for the seat

“sir 523.... m here " I reminded the prof ,he marked my attendance

Stage 1 cleared

The matka took my file started turning its pages “ where is the problem statement sheet "
“I lost it “
“Then how did you solved it”
“sir I lost it here in the class room ..that’s why I was late " (funde pe funde)
“tell me what is kurtosis and its coefficient ? " he was in to the business
“aaa...ummm... no idea”
“What is the condition for negative skewness ? "
“Never heard of it " I really never did
“What !!”

“Actually I was absent in the last few theory classes..... ghar gaya tha holi main ...Aaj subhah hi lauta hoon aur tab se class hi attend kar raha hoon .... plus mera kal B day tha " huh I took a breathe
“Then how dod you sloved the problems , all of it " (chutiye dikhta nahi ganta solve kia hai , I thought)

I turned to confirm that I wasn’t audible to prof (he was busy banging poor kishlay) and said
“ sir samjha karo na ...samjhte kyun nahi holi tha "
“Tik hai .....jao "
“ sir n..u..m..b..e..r”
“jao na I’ll give you " he wrote 7 before my name, I saw it somehow

“saale kya funde de rahe the usse " Vasu asked laughing when I returned to my seat (he was with 2nd matka at the same as me)
“kya karta kuch bhi nahi ata tha”
“waise maine bhi poothe maar diye .... iss se pahle wo mere se kuch poochta ...I asked him sir ye CAT ka percentile score kaise calculate karte hain...fir wo mujhe 10 minutes tak samjhata raha ..aur to aur nehli (9) bhi de di "

Entered Ravi again in the conversation " oye kal BONG ka presentation dena hai "(bong was the name which we gave to a prof who is actively present on all social networking site and if he anyhow finds this then I'll be automatically demoted to five year course )
I saw Vasu's face and said " saale tere ko bahut chulla rehta hai todi der ki kushi bardsaht nahi hoti "

Time for another survival strategy